Post by wispy (Rin) on Feb 4, 2010 21:13:09 GMT -5
This is a story I am working on, I haven't figured out a plot yet, but maybe you guys could help me out :3
Prologue:
At first, all is black, nothing but the slight scent of dew, and ashes. A forest comes into few, filled with beech trees. In the dark of the night, a faint light appears above the trees, its glow a beacon in the black darkness. As the light grows stronger and stronger, brighter and brighter, a figure appears. The light dies down; the figure comes into focus, a cat, perched on the sky, slowly leaps down to the branch of the tallest visible tree. Its coat shines in the faint blue light, emanating from the cat’s eye. The light flickers as the cat blinks. Its small mouth moves, as if trying to speak, however, no sound seems to come from its mouth. The light disappears, leaving the cat standing on its branch. It bounds from limb to limb of the tree, lowering itself with each jump. It appears to be a she-cat; her fur is a sparkling silver color, as if it is made of starlight. Suddenly, another cat appears in front of her. It appears to be a kit, his fur was feathery and soft, his eyes filled with fear and excitement at the same time. The she-cat lowers her head to him; she touches her nose to his downy pelt. The kit’s eyes are filled with a glowing light, the same as the she-cats. He yelps and is shot backwards; the kit hits a tree and falls to the ground. He quickly returns to his feet and sprints forward towards the she-cat, letting out a screeching cry. The she-cat is swift, she avoids his attack with ease and quickly pins him to the ground; she keeps one paw on his head and another on his back. She picks him up by the tail, dragging him to a bed of dry moss. She forcefully throws him forward onto the bed. As the kit lands, a whimper escapes his throat; the moss feels, and smells, as though it is on fire. He feels ashes flutter from the bed of dry moss, he painfully opens his eyes. They suddenly become wide with fear, as he realizes what is going on around him. The entire forest is becoming ash before his very eyes, he feels himself becoming light headed. A soft voice, raspy with age, speaks softly into the kit’s ear, “the world is ending, and it won’t stop for anyone.”
tell me what you think and what I can improve on
Prologue:
At first, all is black, nothing but the slight scent of dew, and ashes. A forest comes into few, filled with beech trees. In the dark of the night, a faint light appears above the trees, its glow a beacon in the black darkness. As the light grows stronger and stronger, brighter and brighter, a figure appears. The light dies down; the figure comes into focus, a cat, perched on the sky, slowly leaps down to the branch of the tallest visible tree. Its coat shines in the faint blue light, emanating from the cat’s eye. The light flickers as the cat blinks. Its small mouth moves, as if trying to speak, however, no sound seems to come from its mouth. The light disappears, leaving the cat standing on its branch. It bounds from limb to limb of the tree, lowering itself with each jump. It appears to be a she-cat; her fur is a sparkling silver color, as if it is made of starlight. Suddenly, another cat appears in front of her. It appears to be a kit, his fur was feathery and soft, his eyes filled with fear and excitement at the same time. The she-cat lowers her head to him; she touches her nose to his downy pelt. The kit’s eyes are filled with a glowing light, the same as the she-cats. He yelps and is shot backwards; the kit hits a tree and falls to the ground. He quickly returns to his feet and sprints forward towards the she-cat, letting out a screeching cry. The she-cat is swift, she avoids his attack with ease and quickly pins him to the ground; she keeps one paw on his head and another on his back. She picks him up by the tail, dragging him to a bed of dry moss. She forcefully throws him forward onto the bed. As the kit lands, a whimper escapes his throat; the moss feels, and smells, as though it is on fire. He feels ashes flutter from the bed of dry moss, he painfully opens his eyes. They suddenly become wide with fear, as he realizes what is going on around him. The entire forest is becoming ash before his very eyes, he feels himself becoming light headed. A soft voice, raspy with age, speaks softly into the kit’s ear, “the world is ending, and it won’t stop for anyone.”
tell me what you think and what I can improve on